By Enigheni Iwori
It is not uncommon these days to see couples speak about how and why they chose their partners. Podcasts especially have become breeding grounds for these kinds of stories. Sometimes, in an attempt to present themselves as the prize in the relationship, one partner begins to highlight supposed imperfections of the person they claim to love. Strangely enough, these “imperfections” are often the very things they were fully aware of before taking the relationship to the next step.
If you made your choice of partner for whatever reason you had at the time, why should you gloat over that choice years later as though you were coerced or are in bondage?
A perfect example comes to mind where in a video I watched recently, a husband and wife kept throwing subtle jabs at each other when questioned about their spec and how they got married. A few lines from the conversation went thus:
Husband: “She is too slim. I have always liked chubby women.”
Wife: “He is bald and his teeth are not even well arranged. I simply accepted God’s plan.”
The subtle insults went on for some minutes leaving the interviewer reeling with laughter. Fifteen years into the marriage, they still spoke as though they had settled instead of chosen each other.
Now, if in a friendly atmosphere like that, they were throwing jabs at each other, imagine a full-blown argument.
The problem is not having a preference. We all do. The problem is repeatedly reminding your partner that they were never it. Love is not measured by how loudly you announce what you gave up. It is measured by how intentionally you affirm the person you chose.
Words do not disappear because an argument ends. They have a way of settling into the heart, quietly changing how people see themselves and the person they love.
There are certain sentences that have no business being in a relationship whether said casually, disguised as a joke or spoken in anger.
In the second part of this article, we would explore some of those sentences.
See you next week.
*Enigheni, a content writer, can be reached via @eniiwori on Instagram
