By Enigheni Iwori
“To err is human, to forgive is divine, but to do my own is extraterrestrial”
I heard this line some years ago from my roommate in university. My other roommates and I tried to pacify her after a friend offended her. We quoted this line, but she tweaked it on purpose, and it sounded quite funny to me. She opined that no one person had the monopoly of madness, therefore, an eye for an eye was the best approach when handling a wrong done.
Forgiveness is the term used to describe the conscious and intentional decision to let go of anger or resentment caused by someone who has wronged you regardless of whether they deserve it or not. It is one of the hardest things to do, especially when the person who has wronged you shows no remorse or refuses to acknowledge that an offence has been committed against you.
Some would say that the true proof of forgiveness is when you can forget the wrong done with relations between you and the offender returning to status quo, while others think that you should become wary of the offender, keep them at arm’s length and only allow minimal contact to forestall recurrence of the offence.
Whichever way we look at it, forgiveness does not have to be instant, and it certainly does not erase the pain or hurt that you feel. You might see the offender and feel a knot in your stomach or a tightening in your chest – this is all normal.
Forgiveness also does not mean the memory of the pain has been wiped out; it only means that you actively choose not to dwell on the pain but see them as lessons learned to help you make better decisions when dealing with others.
Today, I encourage you to look at the conflicts you have been involved in – What role did you play in how the situation turned out? Could you have handled the situation better? What attitude did you expect from the other person? Make peace with why you feel hurt and forgive yourself, then go on to forgive the other person regardless of whether you think they deserve it or not.
See you next week.
